I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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