Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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