I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
