I'm gonna have a badass scar
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
