you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
