Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
