I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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