he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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