party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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