The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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