If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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