Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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