I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
