New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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