so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
