bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
