He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
