I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
