First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize