Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I had to cum in my sink.
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