I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
