apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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