Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
