Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
