I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
