I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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