I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
