Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
