there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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