anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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