Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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