I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
