We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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