I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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