I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There are leaves in my underwear?
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