Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
