I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
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