I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
