The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
