it wasn't lemon gatorade
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
