If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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