I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
