when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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