i just had sex bonerless
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
