I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
