Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
