I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
