She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
