i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
