You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
