if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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