____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
