my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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