Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
