So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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