Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.