You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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