elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
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It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?