I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit