trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
