He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
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i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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