Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We just shotgunned beers for America
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
