a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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