tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
