This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
