He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
