Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
