I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
