I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
