Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
