does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Randomize
