the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
