My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
