saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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