OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
